by DALLAS DOES THE DIRTY WORK! Nine More Survivors Get the Boot!
CRUNCHTIME SURVIVOR POOL — WEEK 5 RECAP
Somebody call housekeeping. The Executive Club is going to need a serious cleanup.
After Week 4 saw all 11 perfect entries survive, Week 5 arrived with a very different attitude. Dallas became the most dangerous three-letter abbreviation in the Crunchtime Survivor Pool, handing out strikes like Halloween candy and personally helping escort eight entries out of the competition.
Atlanta even decided to join the fun, claiming one more victim.
When the dust settled, the once-comfortable Executive Club had lost four members, nine entries had been eliminated, and the Crunchtime graveyard had grown to 32.
And somewhere, a Cowboys fan is probably explaining how this was actually a good thing.
THE WEEK 5 DAMAGE
| Survivor Status | Entries |
|---|---|
| 🥃 Executive Club — Still Perfect | 7 |
| 🩹 One-Strike Lounge | 15 |
| ☠️ Eliminated in Week 5 | 9 |
| 🪦 Total Eliminated | 32 |
| 🏈 Still Alive | 22 |
Of the original 54 entries, fewer than half remain standing.
🤠 Dallas: America’s Team, Crunchtime’s Nightmare
If Tampa Bay was the early-season villain and Seattle played the spoiler in Week 3, Dallas just made a serious run at Survivor Public Enemy No. 1.
A whopping 12 entries trusted Dallas in Week 5.
All 12 were handed a strike.
Four of those picks belonged to previously undefeated entries. The other eight came from people who were already living on borrowed time.
That means one Cowboys loss was responsible for four Executive Club evictions and eight outright eliminations.
You almost have to admire the efficiency.
Meanwhile, Houston, Cincinnati, Detroit, Jacksonville and Pittsburgh delivered victories for their supporters.
Apparently, the secret to Week 5 was simple.
Don’t pick Dallas.
🥃 THE EXECUTIVE CLUB — Down to the Magnificent Seven
Last week, the Executive Club was celebrating a perfect 11-for-11 performance.
This week, security had to revoke four memberships.
Only seven entries remain undefeated through five weeks, and these are the survivors still enjoying complimentary drinks and a two-strike cushion.
| Executive Club Member | Week 4 | Week 5 | Record |
|---|---|---|---|
| Jen Z | BAL | DET ✅ | 5–0 |
| Joe Buck | MIN | CIN ✅ | 5–0 |
| Keith’s picks | IND | JAX ✅ | 5–0 |
| McE | MIN | HOU ✅ | 5–0 |
| Miami | BAL | HOU ✅ | 5–0 |
| Scott H | BAL | HOU ✅ | 5–0 |
| Tim’s picks of doom | MIN | DET ✅ | 5–0 |
🍹 Houston, We Have No Problem
McE, Miami and Scott H have become the Survivor equivalent of three people ordering the exact same meal at every restaurant.
All three went Jacksonville → San Francisco → Kansas City, followed by Minnesota or Baltimore in Week 4, and Houston in Week 5.
Miami and Scott H have now made identical selections in all five weeks. McE took Minnesota instead of Baltimore in Week 4, but otherwise they’re following the same blueprint.
Houston delivered in Week 5, and all three remain spotless.
At this point, somebody should probably check whether these guys are sharing a playbook.
😱 SPIDERMAN & Keith’s Jacksonville Heart Attack
If the Houston crowd enjoyed a relatively comfortable Sunday, Keith’s picks and Spiderman apparently signed up for the deluxe cardiac package.
Both trusted Jacksonville, and both were rewarded with one of the most nerve-racking finishes of the week.
The Jaguars needed a last-second field goal to pull out the victory, turning what looked like a potential Survivor disaster into a celebration.
Imagine sitting there with your perfect record on the line, watching the clock disappear, knowing your entire Survivor season could come down to one kick.
Snap. Hold. Kick.
GOOD!
Somewhere, Keith went from planning his exit speech to ordering another round at the Executive Club.
And for Spiderman, who was already carrying a strike, that kick was even more important. A miss would have meant elimination.
That’s the beauty of Survivor. You can spend an entire week researching matchups, analyzing favorites and convincing yourself you’ve made the perfect selection.
Then your fate comes down to a kicker’s right foot.
Keith and Spiderman didn’t just survive Week 5. They escaped it.
🎩 The Other Independent Thinkers
Jen Z and Tim’s picks of doom both went with Detroit, while Joe Buck trusted Cincinnati.
Jen Z continues to take her own route through the schedule, and Joe Buck has quietly assembled five consecutive winners without drawing much attention.
And Tim’s picks of doom continues to be one of the most misleading names in Survivor history.
Five weeks in, the only doom involved belongs to everybody else.
🩹 THE ONE-STRIKE LOUNGE — Four New Arrivals
The lounge had a busy week at the front desk.
Four members of the Executive Club arrived unexpectedly, each carrying a Dallas ticket and a look of disbelief.
🚨 New First Strikes — Week 5
| Survivor | Week 5 Pick | Status |
|---|---|---|
| Jake | DAL ❌ | NEW FIRST STRIKE |
| ScottD | DAL ❌ | NEW FIRST STRIKE |
| SteelerJ333 | DAL ❌ | NEW FIRST STRIKE |
| Teemo | DAL ❌ | NEW FIRST STRIKE |
All four entered the week perfect. All four trusted the Cowboys. All four are now discovering that the One-Strike Lounge doesn’t offer complimentary valet parking.
The good news? They’re still alive.
The bad news? Their margin for error is officially gone.
The Full One-Strike Lounge — 15 Survivors
These 15 entries are still alive, but one more mistake will end their season.
| Survivor | Week 5 Pick | Status |
|---|---|---|
| Jake | DAL ❌ | NEW — Week 5 |
| ScottD | DAL ❌ | NEW — Week 5 |
| SteelerJ333 | DAL ❌ | NEW — Week 5 |
| Teemo | DAL ❌ | NEW — Week 5 |
| Ballin Paulin | HOU ✅ | Existing strike |
| Camochick | CIN ✅ | Existing strike |
| DaBears#34 | HOU ✅ | Existing strike |
| Going all the way this year | PIT ✅ | Existing strike |
| Jmessy8 | CIN ✅ | Existing strike |
| Mrbubbajames | CIN ✅ | Existing strike |
| My Awesome Pick Set | HOU ✅ | Existing strike |
| Quick Exit Again | HOU ✅ | Existing strike |
| Spiderman | JAX ✅ | Existing strike |
| Tacoman9000 | CIN ✅ | Existing strike |
| Zbird | HOU ✅ | Existing strike |
For the veterans of this lounge, Week 5 was mostly a success. Houston and Cincinnati were particularly popular, and both delivered.
Going all the way this year also deserves some credit for surviving with Pittsburgh, especially after already burning a life by failing to submit a pick in Week 3.
Apparently, remembering to make a selection is half the battle.
And then there’s Quick Exit Again, which continues to refuse to live up to its name.
Five weeks in, that quick exit is taking an awfully long time.
☠️ WEEK 5 ELIMINATIONS — The Cowboys’ Collection Agency
For nine entries, Week 5 was the end of the road.
Dallas handled eight of the eviction notices, while Atlanta took care of the ninth.
| Eliminated This Week | Previous Strike | Week 5 Losing Pick |
|---|---|---|
| Courtney | LAC | DAL ❌ |
| Craig | LAC | DAL ❌ |
| DaveL | LAC | DAL ❌ |
| Figures… | SEA | DAL ❌ |
| ShannonS | LAC | DAL ❌ |
| Skymother | TB | DAL ❌ |
| Stub | LAC | DAL ❌ |
| The Monster | SEA | DAL ❌ |
| Wasting $20 | LAC | ATL ❌ |
🤠 The Dallas Eight
Courtney, Craig, DaveL, ShannonS and Stub all began their Survivor journeys by losing with the Chargers in Week 1.
Four weeks later, they trusted Dallas.
Two teams. Two strikes. One very short Survivor experience.
Figures… and The Monster had already survived Seattle’s Week 3 disaster, only to have Dallas finish the job two weeks later.
And Skymother followed a Tampa Bay strike in Week 2 with a Cowboys strike in Week 5.
That’s not a Survivor strategy.
That’s a tour of the NFL’s most emotionally exhausting fan bases.
🦅 Wasting $20 Makes Its Name Official
And then there was Wasting $20.
While everyone else was getting run over by the Cowboys, Wasting $20 decided to take a different route to elimination.
The Atlanta Falcons.
With one strike already on the board from a Week 1 Chargers loss, Wasting $20 needed Atlanta to deliver.
Atlanta did not deliver.
And just like that, Wasting $20 became perhaps the most accurately named entry in Crunchtime Survivor history.
Five weeks of football.
Two losing picks.
Twenty dollars.
At least nobody can accuse this entry of false advertising.
🪦 THE CRUNCHTIME GRAVEYARD — NOW 32 STRONG
Week 5 added nine new residents to a graveyard that was already getting crowded.
| When Eliminated | Entries | Running Total |
|---|---|---|
| Weeks 1–2 | 10 | 10 |
| Week 3 | 10 | 20 |
| Week 4 | 3 | 23 |
| Week 5 | 9 | 32 |
That’s 32 of the original 54 entries gone.
The graveyard is now considerably larger than the active field.
And we’re only five weeks into the season.
At this rate, the Crunchtime Survivor Pool may need to start charging the eliminated entries admission just to watch everybody else play.
🏈 FIVE WEEKS DOWN — The Executive Club Is Getting Lonely
The Crunchtime Survivor Pool has reached an interesting point.
The Executive Club has been reduced to seven.
Fifteen others remain alive, but they’re playing without a safety net.
And Dallas just reminded everyone that one bad selection can completely reshape the standings.
But while Dallas provided the week’s biggest disaster, Jacksonville provided its biggest escape act.
Keith’s picks and Spiderman will probably remember that last-second field goal long after everyone else has forgotten the final score.
Because that’s what Survivor is all about.
Sometimes you cruise to victory.
Sometimes you get blindsided by the Cowboys.
And sometimes you spend three hours questioning every decision you’ve ever made before a kicker saves your entire weekend.
Five weeks down. Seven perfect entries remain. Twenty-two survivors are still standing.
The Executive Club is still open.
But after this weekend, management has decided to stop serving anything from Texas.
And Keith has reportedly requested that all future Jacksonville games come with a complimentary defibrillator.
